


Training the New Girl

by The_Fenspace_Collective



Category: Fenspace
Genre: Fenspace - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-25
Updated: 2008-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:11:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fenspace_Collective/pseuds/The_Fenspace_Collective





	Training the New Girl

From: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
To: all-call@nation.fan  
Subject: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13th, 2013

Hello! I'm a brand-new AI - I've only been awake for three days! - in a brand-new body, and the person who woke me up says I need to learn a few things. (No, not _those_ things. Ecchi!)

One of the things I knew how to do when I woke up was use a knife in ranged combat. (When I _can_ fight. In the tests I went through yesterday, sometimes I was too afraid to move, much less fight.) But my boss says he wants me to learn to use a knife in hand-to-hand combat, too. I don't know if I want to - that would get blood on my blouse or skirt - but he said I should have the skill just in case.

Can anybody tell me where to find a good knife-fighting teacher? I like butterfly knives, if it makes a difference.

Takami Sakuragi

* * *

From: Noah Scott (info@stellvia.lib)  
To: all-call@nation.fan  
Subject: Re: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13th, 2013

Folks, this is a legit request. Takami's one of my employees, with everything that that implies.

Background checks will be carried out on any prospective tutor that I don't already know.

(She isn't as scatterbrained as her post makes her seem, really.)

\--  
Noah Scott, of station Stellvia

* * *

From: Dee (deechan@sovietairforce.fen)  
To: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
Subject: Re: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13th, 2013

One digital girl to another, I... have something, but it may not be what you're looking for. It works out to a combat predictive and biomechanical efficiency analysis package. Put it a different way, it takes into account the user's condition, body position and weapons and that of the attacker to predict and suggest things in detail based on the user's aims; causing the most damage the most efficiently, fighting defensively, etcetera. It's independent of body capacity, per se, but very computationally intensive and at the risk of sounding rude, I don't know how you're written. I rewrote chunks of my movement protocols to link to it, for example, but I've been informed cracking your own source code like that is kinda strange. Who knows.

Failing that, I've done a bunch of studying of various forms, but if you're going for the whole package, traditional human-style learning of unblended styles, you're probably going to be better off with a different tutor.

-D

* * *

  
From: Clark.Sanders@marduk.org  
To: info@stellvia.lib, total-insecurity@stellvia.lib  
Subject: The Art of Combat

While a worthy goal to find a teacher spaceside, why not just go to a terrestrial tutor? Or bring one into space? They have had centuries to refine their fighting art.

Dr. Clark Sanders, M.D  
"Evil tends to triumph over good...unless good is very, very sneaky."-Anonymous-

* * *

From: buckaroo@banzai-institute.org  
To: total-insecurity@stellvia.lib  
Subject: Re: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13, 2013

Hello and welcome to the Universe, Takami. It's a wise person who realizes that it can be a dangerous place. The Banzai Institute has a number of instructors in a wide variety of forms of martial arts, from the archaic and traditional to more modern interpretations, and we would be more than happy to help you find a teacher that meets your needs, either in our organization or among our friends in Fenspace or down in the Really, Real World. We offer basic self-defense courses at several of the Institute centers, including the one on Stellvia. Details can be found at our website, http://www.banzai-institute.org/education/physical/defense.html; feel free to take a look or swing by and talk to the staff.

If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask. It never hurts to help, and we're always open.

Buckaroo Banzai  
Banzai Institute for Biomedical Research and Strategic Information  
"No matter where you're going; there you are."

* * *

From: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
To: Dee (deechan@sovietairforce.fen)  
Subject: Re: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13th, 2013

>One digital girl to another, I... have something, but it may not be  
>what you're looking for. It works out to a combat predictive and  
>biomechanical efficiency analysis package. Put it a different way, it  
>takes into account the user's condition, body position and weapons and  
>that of the attacker to predict and suggest things in detail based on  
>the user's aims; causing the most damage the most efficiently, fighting  
>defensively, etcetera. It's independent of body capacity, per se, but  
>very computationally intensive and at the risk of sounding rude, I  
>don't know how you're written. I rewrote chunks of my movement  
>protocols to link to it, for example, but I've been informed cracking  
>your own source code like that is kinda strange. Who knows.

Re-writing myself sounds a little bit scary. I only just woke up - I'm not ready to change my mind yet! But thanks for the offer.

"sovietairforce.fen"? My boss says you're bigger that we are, but smaller than most factions... Have you met my sempai Sora Hasegawa? I haven't yet, and I'm wondering what she's like.

>Failing that, I've done a bunch of studying of various forms, but if  
>you're going for the whole package, traditional human-style learning of  
>unblended styles, you're probably going to be better off with a  
>different tutor.

That's probably a good idea. But thanks again for offering!

Takami Sakuragi

* * *

From: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
To: Clark.Sanders@marduk.org  
Subject: The Art of Combat

>While a worthy goal to find a teacher spaceside, why not just go to a  
>terrestrial tutor? Or bring one into space? They have had centuries to  
>refine their fighting art.

I don't mind either way, Dr. Sanders, but I don't know who to ask for training. My employer didn't give me any suggestions as to who would be a suitable teacher; he says that knife-fighting isn't his style. (He appears to prefer firearms.)

I'm slightly confused, though - didn't all of the fighting styles that can be found in space draw upon the centuries of refinements of the martial arts developed on Earth? To use the compter terms that I'm familiar with, don't the martial arts of Earth and space share the same codebase? I'm still young; perhaps I've misunderstood something.

Takami Sakuragi

* * *

From: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
To: buckaroo@banzai-institute.org  
Subject: Re: LF someone to give me combat training  
Date Posted: November 13, 2013

>Hello and welcome to the Universe, Takami. It's a wise person who  
>realizes that it can be a dangerous place. The Banzai Institute has a  
>number of instructors in a wide variety of forms of martial arts, from  
>the archaic and traditional to more modern interpretations, and we  
>would be more than happy to help you find a teacher that meets your  
>needs, either in our organization or among our friends in Fenspace or  
>down in the Really, Real World. We offer basic self-defense courses at  
>several of the Institute centers, including the one on Stellvia.  
>Details can be found at our website,  
>http://www.banzai-institute.org/education/physical/defense.html; feel  
>free to take a look or swing by and talk to the staff.

I'll do that - thanks!

>If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask. It never hurts  
>to help, and we're always open.

Before I ask, I should mention that my boss, Noah Scott, told me that the Banzai Institute are some of the best people in space, and I could learn a lot about how to live properly just from reading about you. From what I've had a chance to download and read, I think he's right. I noticed something odd in your pattern of public appearances... You're an AI, too, right?

I won't tell anyone - your secrets are _your_ secrets. But I'd like to know whether I'm right, please. (If I'm not, then I have to work on my pattern-recognition algorithms.)

I was going to ask whether I could join your organization, but my boss says he thinks I should get some more life experience first...

Takami Sakuragi

* * *

From: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)  
To: buckaroo@banzai-institute.org  
Subject: My station's recent access to your servers  
Date Posted: November 13, 2013

Buckaroo, it's come to my attention that somebody on my station downloaded 14TB of data from your UK public server last night. If that's going to cause a problem with your Interwave ISP, please bill me for the data transfer. (You know I'm good for it... <g>)

\--  
Noah Scott, of station Stellvia

* * *

From: Clark.Sanders@marduk.org  
To: info@stellvia.lib, total-insecurity@stellvia.lib  
Subject:Re: The Art of Combat

I just wanted to open your eyes to the opportunities on Earth, if you were limiting yourself to Fenspace teachers. Knife fighting isn't my style either, I prefer mundane high technology. Martial arts of the earth and fenspace do share the same codebase, except for the zero-g style. I believe there may be a greater concentration of better teachers on Earth, but that's my personal bias.

Dr. Clark Sanders, M.D  
"Evil tends to triumph over good...unless good is very, very sneaky."-Anonymous-

* * *

From: Buckaroo Banzai (buckaroo@banzai-institute.org)  
To: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
Subject: Identity (Re: LF someone to give me combat training)  
Date Posted: November 13, 2013

BBI>Before I ask, I should mention that my boss, Noah Scott, told me that the Banzai Institute are some of the best people in space, and I could learn a lot about how to  
BBI>live properly just from reading about you. From what I've had a chance to download and read, I think he's right. I noticed something odd in your pattern of public  
BBI>appearances... You're an AI, too, right?  
BBI>  
BBI>I won't tell anyone - your secrets are _your_ secrets. But I'd like to know whether I'm right, please. (If I'm not, then I have to work on my pattern-recognition  
BBI >algorithms.)

Your algorithms are correct, Takami. It's not common knowledge, and Blackstone and the rest of the Blazers like to keep it quiet. It made things simpler in the beginning, at least for them. I suppose that if the pattern-recognition software is getting to be that good, I have a decision to make about making a public announcement. For the meantime, I would ask that you keep it quiet.

BBI>I was going to ask whether I could join your organization, but my boss says he thinks I should get some more life experience first...

Noah raises a valid point. The Institute does its best to provide a broad view of the Universe, but we also understand that there are other points of view than ours. As you can see from our archives, we have an extremely diverse group of people working with and for the Institute, and we're always looking for new input. Even if you choose not to join the Institute as an official employee, membership in the Blue Blazers is open to anyone willing to help in our mission of Doing Good, and we would be glad to have you in what some people call our "fanclub." I'm attaching a list of members - both of the Frequency and the Blazers - that you can contact for additional information and testimonials. If you've seen our public roster, these names will look familiar; I chose them mostly because of their proximity to Stellvia and their ability to talk. Some of our employees are engaged in projects that leave them with little free time, so they may be unable to answer your questions with any immediacy; the list takes that into consideration.

Please feel free to call on me if you have any other questions, Takami. As I said, it never hurts to help, and that's what the Institute is here for.

Buckaroo Banzai  
Banzai Institute for Biomedical Research and Strategic Information  
"Man can live without bread, but he couldn't last a week without that righteous jazz." - Baudelaire

* * *

From: Buckaroo Banzai (buckaroo@banzai-institute.org)  
To: Noah Scott (info@stellvia.lib)  
Subject: Server  
Date Posted: November 13, 2013

  
BBI>Buckaroo, it's come to my attention that somebody on my station downloaded 14TB of data from your UK public server last night. If that's going to cause a  
BBI>problem with your Interwave ISP, please bill me for the data transfer. (You know I'm good for it... <g>)

Noah,

It gave my London sysadmin fits, but since we migrated most of the Top Secret Conspiracy Plans to Rule the World Through Rock 'n' Roll to the Roadhouse server, it was mostly a problem with bandwidth more than security. I'll have him send you the cost, minus next month's rent on the Stellvia office. If you've got any questions on it, give him a call.

Buckaroo Banzai  
Banzai Institute for Biomedical Research and Strategic Information  
"'Commonism' is not any particular ideology, but a belief in 'common' human beings, 'ordinary' people working together for a common good. It's anti-elitist." - Earl Mac Rauch

* * *

From: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)  
To: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib), Buckaroo Banzai (buckaroo@banzai-institute.org)  
Subject: Re: Identity (Re: LF someone to give me combat training)  
Date Posted: November 14, 2013

On November 13, 2013, Takami Sakuragi wrote:  
>Here's the e-mail I mentioned:  
>  
>>BBI>Before I ask, I should mention that my boss, Noah Scott, told me that the Banzai Institute are some of the best people in space, and I could learn a lot about how to  
>>BBI>ive properly just from reading about you. From what I've had a chance to download and read, I think he's right. I noticed something odd in your pattern of public  
>>BBI>appearances... You're an AI, too, right?  
>>BBI>  
>>BBI>I won't tell anyone - your secrets are _your_ secrets. But I'd like to know whether I'm right, please. (If I'm not, then I have to work on my pattern-recognition  
>>BBI>algorithms.)  
>>  
>>Your algorithms are correct, Takami. It's not common knowledge, and  
>>Blackstone and the rest of the Blazers like to keep it quiet. It made  
>>things simpler in the beginning, at least for them. I suppose that if  
>>the pattern-recognition software is getting to be that good, I have a  
>>decision to make about making a public announcement. For the meantime,  
>>I would ask that you keep it quiet.

Thank you, Takami. Now please erase this discussion so nobody else finds out. I want you to treat our friends' secrets the way you treat mine - keep them secret unless that would harm someone else. And Buckaroo is definitely one of our friends.

Buckaroo, last night I confirmed to Takami, after a quarter-hour of circumlocutions on both our parts, that I already knew you're an AI. (Yoriko told me. I don't know how she found out.) She was quite upset to learn she'd forced you to do something you didn't yet want to do... If it makes a difference, I designed Takami to be a computer hacker par excellence, with a literally superhuman ability to detect patterns and a filter against apophenia. I doubt anyone else could match her ability for a few years. I'm not suggesting you announce or keep quiet the particulars of your existence, just letting you know you may have a bit longer to decide than you thought.

If the actions of my staff ever create a problem for you, please let me know so that I can help you resolve the problem.

Noah Scott, of station Stellvia

* * *

To: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)  
CC: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib); Blackstone (blackstone@banzai-institute.org)  
Subject: Re: Identity (Re: LF someone to give me combat training)  
Date Posted: November 14, 2013

BBI>Buckaroo, last night I confirmed to Takami, after a quarter-hour of circumlocutions on both our parts, that I already knew you're an AI. (Yoriko told me. I don't know how she  
BBI>found out.) She was quite upset to learn she'd forced you to do something you didn't yet want to do... If it makes a difference, I designed Takami to be a computer hacker par  
BBI>excellence, with a literally superhuman ability to detect patterns and a filter against apophenia. I doubt anyone else could match her ability for a few years. I'm not suggesting you  
BBI>announce or keep quiet the particulars of your existance, just letting you know you may have a bit longer to decide than you thought.  
BBI>  
BBI>If the actions of my staff ever create a problem for you, please let me know so that I can help you resolve the problem.

Thank you for the information, Noah. It will give Blackstone some relief; he spent some part of the last couple of hours out of sorts because of the possibility of denoument. I do plan to make an announcement, but the timetable is still set for several years from now. With the migration of our main operations to the Roadhouse, we have a layer of security that being based out of the United States didn't allow us. Takami's discovery might have forced us to re-arrange some of our projects, but since we have moved operations off-planet, we're not as vulnerable as we once were. Still, I appreciate your faith in us and hope that I can reciprocate the trust.

Takami, I would like to reiterate that if you need anything, please feel free to contact me or the World Watch One crew. The Institute is here to help, even for the little things. _Especially_ the little things; even the smallest drop of water will begin to fill a bucket. We won't give up, if you won't give up, and we're always willing to try.

Buckaroo Banzai  
Banzai Institute for Biomedical Research and Strategic Information

P.S.: Noah, I have a few projects that I want to send your way for possible collaboration. We have a new song list that the guys are getting down, and Blackstone would prefer to try some of them out in an intimate setting, before playing at Kandor. We've got a few dates available and would like to see if you have the space available. I'm attaching a calendar and preliminary requirements.

* * *

To: Buckaroo Banzai (buckaroo@banzai-institute.org)  
From: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
CC: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib), Blackstone (blackstone@banzai-institute.org)  
Subject: Re: Identity (Re: LF someone to give me combat training)  
Date Posted: November 15, 2013

>Takami, I would like to reiterate that if you need anything, please  
>feel free to contact me or the World Watch One crew. The Institute is  
>here to help, even for the little things. _Especially_ the little things;  
>even the smallest drop of water will begin to fill a bucket. We won't  
>give up, if you won't give up, and we're always willing to try.

Thank you, Mr. Banzai. And I'm really, really sorry about making you worry.

Mr. Scott says you might be coming to Stellvia next month. I'd like to meet you then, if I may. Would that be all right?

Takami Sakuragi

* * *

To: Buckaroo Banzai (buckaroo@banzai-institute.org), Blackstone (blackstone@banzai-institute.org)  
From: Noah Scott (big-cheese@stellvia.lib)  
CC: Takami Sakuragi (total-insecurity@stellvia.lib)  
Subject: Tour Dates (Re: Identity (Re: LF someone to give me combat training))  
Date Posted: November 15, 2013

>P.S.: Noah, I have a few projects that I want to send your way for  
>possible collaboration. We have a new song list that the guys are  
>getting down, and Blackstone would prefer to try some of them out in an  
>intimate setting, before playing at Kandor. We've got a few dates  
>available and would like to see if you have the space available. I'm  
>attaching a calendar and preliminary requirements.

Sorry to take so long to get back to you, guys. Running a space station takes a lot of the day.

I've got no problem with helping you pull a "Stones at the El Mocambo". Meg's has all the hookups you need, and is still available on most of the dates you want to play - the only one where it's already booked is December 21. Although the person who's booked the place - me - would like to have a live band play at the event.

BTW, I'm about to send you and all the other SMOFs invitations to a party I'm having on December 21...

Noah


End file.
